Humor by John Christmann
A Bucket List Eclipsed
Life is tough. And these days, bad news is everywhere. Wars. Recessions. Infernos. Oil spills. Not to mention our own personal setbacks.
And just when we think it can’t get any worse, Larry King retires.
But I have it on pretty good authority that it will all be over soon. I rented a DVD over the weekend and learned that the world will end in 2012. As apocalyptic events go, it should be pretty entertaining. Especially if you like loud noises.
It seems this prediction is not merely a dire interpretation of some unknown Mayan astronomer who ran out of space etching a solar calendar in stone, or the lunatic raving of a crackpot like Nostradamus, or even a circumspect warning from Shirley MacLain channeling Hindu deities.
No, this is the mad weaving of scientists at NASA, who with mathematical precision are predicting ever increasing sunspot activity as our solar system aligns with the plane of the Milky Way Galaxy and we all become Libras in the Age of Aquarius.
The problem is, with all the bad news occurring now, I don’t know if I can wait until 2012.
But I consider myself to be a ‘glass half full’ kind of person. I believe that all it takes to rise above life’s setbacks is a good self-help book or two. And when it comes to cataclysmic events, it is particularly important that we Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff and concentrate on the Power of Positive Thinking using the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.
So you can imagine how encouraged I was to learn that the world will not end in 2012 as I was led to believe. For a chosen few, it will end on July 11th during the total eclipse of the sun! Folks, that’s only a few more days!
According to The Bible (Luke 21:25), The Farmer’s Almanac (Astrology from A to Zodiac), and Chicken Soup for the Soul (any chapter), on July 11th the moon will pass before the sun casting a swath of earth into darkness, roiling the seas, and throwing us all into distress. It also means that for a few poor souls sailing in the South Pacific, some thrill seekers on Easter Island, and—if you believe in numerology—all the morning patrons of 7-Eleven, it will soon be ‘lights out’.
That’s one cup of coffee I don’t want to miss!
A while back I started a list of Fifty Things to Do before I Die. I could only think of 23, but since the end of the world may be imminent, I still have a few more days to come up with an additional 27. Like I said, I am a ‘glass half full’ kind of person.
Of course, some items I have already accomplished. Like No. 22. Mow the Lawn. Other items, given my abruptly shortened life span, are probably not that important. No. 18. Perform Tosca at the Met in my Boxer Shorts comes to mind. Still others are completely out of my control. I can’t imagine that I will get to No. 11. Attend a World Series Game in Wrigley Field even if I have to wait until 2012.
So that leaves an additional 35 items on my Fifty Things to Do before I Die list that I must come up with in the next few days. Oh wait, No. 16. Finish the List. That’s 34 items I need to come up with.
Of course, I could add No. 17. Save the World to my list, in the off chance that Nostradamus gets it wrong. Now that would be quite a life accomplishment to boast about. And it would also allow me to postpone the completion of my list. But that would be cheating. Unless I add No. 18. Cheat at Something to my list.
It seems there are some real possibilities for my life now that I know the world is going to end.
The reality is this: it is far more important to live a Bucket List than it is to actually fulfill the Bucket List. It gives me something to continually enjoy, without limit, without bounds, without sunspots. Even if my life dreams are never realized.
So in the face of impending doom, I realize now that a well-constructed Bucket List is not about what is to be accomplished. It is about the things we strive to do. Living to a ripe old age is a noble goal, but not nearly as gratifying as say, No. 10 Hold Grandchildren on my Knee or No. 2 Kiss My Wife in Seven Continents.
Looking at my list, incomplete as it is, I guess I don’t really want the world to end quite yet. There is way too much living to do.
And let’s face it; if living were that easy, there would be no need for Bucket Lists.
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