Humor by John Christmann
Intelligence In Jeopardy
“I know that I am intelligent, because I know nothing.” - Socrates
I was completely disheartened to learn that an IBM supercomputer named Watson won a million dollar prize on Jeopardy. This was billed as a Grand Challenge: a computer competing against two walking Wikipedias, Brad Rutter and Ken Jennings.
The match was nothing less than a man vs. machine matchup over one of the most smartly held human qualities: intelligence.
The battle of man against machine is not new. The legendary John Henry pitted his own brute strength against a machine designed to drive railroad spikes. In a triumph of human spirit, the ‘’steel driving man” defeated the machine thereby ensuring that thousands of men could keep their oppressive railroad jobs.
Unfortunately, the contest had nothing to do with intelligence, as evidenced by John Henry’s quick demise on the winner’s podium.
Then in 1984, John Conner temporarily saved the world from the machines by terminating Arnold Schwarzenegger, even though, as promised, Arnold ultimately came back to become Governator, several years before the machines destroyed California.
OK, I didn’t really understand the movie either, but I do know that in 1987 the machines humbled the New York Stock Exchange. This was not the end of the world, but the stock market dropped 500 points in a single day, which for many was pretty close to the end of the world.
But it wasn’t until 1997 that IBM tried to directly challenge human intellect with Deep Blue, a supercomputer designed specifically to dominate the game of chess. After developing sophisticated software routines that mimicked the uniquely human trait of cheating, the supercomputer successfully defeated Grand Master Gary Kasperov.
And now, fourteen years of silicon later, we have Watson: the world’s most powerful computer without a game controller competing against the smartest Jeopardy players on the planet . . .
IBM invested $100M over five years on a computer capable of winning a $1M prize on Jeopardy, only to find the computer was not loaded with this.
What is a financial spreadsheet?
Correct. Watson is no ordinary computer. It is comprised of 90 Power 750 servers packaged in a steel cabinet with free delivery and a two-year extended warranty. In terms of raw processing power, it is capable of generating more FLOPS than Adam Sandler and the US Olympic team combined. Unfortunately it does not come loaded with Microsoft Office.
In initial trials Watson was not deemed ready to compete on Jeopardy because it was still waiting for . . .
What are “software updates to your computer”?
Correct. Watson relies on highly sophisticated software algorithms to create something called Computer Learning. This advanced update fixes bugs in previous releases enabling Watson to quickly analyze speech and sift through mountains of information to come up with a probable answer in the fraction of a second you or I would be pounding the buzzer, blurting out the stalling question: “Excuse me, but may I go to the bathroom?”
With over 2800 core processors crammed into the space the size of a small dumpster, Watson is most commonly referred to as this kind of a computer.
What is a Roomtop computer?
Correct. Building a supercomputer of this magnitude takes some real estate, which IBM has financed through subprime mortgages. But next year IBM hopes to a release a pocket-sized version of Watson to compete with the iPhone.
Watson’s expansive memory is filled with every instance of human readable text except . . .
What is the IRS Tax Code?
Correct. With 15 Terabytes of accessible memory, Watson has pushed the boundary of numerical prefixes well into the Jurassic Age. It is capable of recalling every piece of information in recorded history, including where it put its car keys.
IBM is already constructing the world’s most intelligent supercomputer to compete against itself in this final Grand Challenge.
What is Russian roulette?
Correct. Several years ago my son received a Twenty Questions digital egg that worked astoundingly well. By displaying a series of “yes or no” questions the tiny computer could identify any object I dreamed up. The only thing that little machine couldn’t identify in twenty questions was itself.
For a short time I took pride knowing that I could intellectually defeat a toy.
Here is the good news: Despite Watson’s apparent dominance in all things trivial, we can take comfort in the fact that computers are far too intelligent to replace humans. I firmly believe that what makes us human is not our intelligence; it is our lapses in judgment.
How else, for example, can we explain Congressmen?
“The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get to the office.” - Robert Frost
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