Humor by John Christmann
Playing The Fool
Tomorrow I expect to be woken very early in the morning by an obnoxiously loud alarm clock whose settings have magically changed sometime during the night. Or perhaps a photo of a monkey will be seamlessly taped over my shaving mirror.
After all, tomorrow is April Fools’ Day, and I am, without question, the biggest Fool in my house.
It used to be that Fools were revered. They lightened the day by providing keen insight into the chief issues of the realm under the guise of levity. They used their befuddled behavior, well-timed pratfalls, and finely crafted delivery of misinformation to demonstrate great wit in the guise of idiocy.
But those were the days when Saturday Night Live was funny.
Nowadays Fools are characterized by uncensored YouTube pranks and R-rated movies filled with adolescent humor in which men do and say really stupid things for cheap laughs. Finally, something I understand!
But although their antics are incredibly funny, I suppose they are not furthering the cause of men.
Oh well.
So here is what I want to know. Where are all the foolish women? Why is it we never see a lady in a chicken suit roller skate off the end of a ski jump into a wading pool filled with chocolate pudding? Why don’t we ever see a young woman equipped with a parachute disappear straight up into the air after a pallet of concrete blocks is dropped from a giant crane onto the end of her seesaw? And why aren’t there movies of bachelorettes throwing mattresses out Caesar’s Palace during all night party fogs?
And don’t tell me it is because women have more common sense than men. Common sense has nothing to do with it!
At the risk of appearing sexist, I believe playing the fool is a man’s domain: it is being the men we really are. Playing the fool is to act stupid in front of the world with deluded confidence that we are not really that stupid.
Playing the fool is the willingness to let our kids slap us on the back in the morning knowing that we are now wearing a post-it note inviting them to kick us. Playing the fool is forgetting to take it off.
Yes, in our modern, politically correct age, this is what playing the fool is all about. This, and wearing baseball caps sideways.
Being the Designated Fool in my family, I am often the victim of practical jokes. Unfortunately I made the mistake of telling my children all of the really great pranks I pulled in college. This was a time long ago, when trashing a dorm room did little to change it. Nowadays, of course, if you trash a dorm room you are accused of decorating it.
But at the time it was all pretty harmless stuff: hiding the telephone in a drawer and placing a wake up call at 3:00 AM, short-sheeting the bed, removing the light bulbs, perching water balloons atop doors that were slightly ajar, heaving roommates out the window in their underwear, stuff like that.
As unruly college men fueled by beer we felt an obligation to carry on the traditions of our foolish forefathers. Our methods were creative and elegant. In deference to the past, we tried to stuff as many kids into a phone booth as we could, just so long as the kids were freshmen and the phone booth had mysteriously appeared one evening in the elevator.
Nowadays there are few phone booths, but college kids can still concoct some pretty creative pranks using nothing more that Saran Wrap and a few gullible freshmen.
Although the history of April Fools’ Day is in dispute, I can pretty much guarantee that men were foolish long before April. In fact, the earliest mention of April Fools’ Day appears in the 8th century BC when, during the Greek attack on Troy, snickering foot soldiers convinced Foolysseus to stand guard over the arm of giant wooden catapult. He realized he was the victim of a prank somewhere at the start his rapid 50 foot ascent over the massive walls that protected the city.
Unfortunately the walls of Troy were 55 feet high. Nevertheless, Foolysseus was branded a hero.
However, the next day, the same Greek Band of Brothers, probably fueled by beer, liberated a large wooden horse, crammed themselves inside, and posted their antics on YouTubius. The Trojan Horse, as it became known, went viral in Troy and the date, April 1st, forever became associated with foolish pranks.
At least this is what my kids recited to me from the Internet, just before they uploaded a photo of a baboon to my FaceBook account.
So what. Tomorrow is April Fools’ Day. What do I care what other people think?
I guess the answer to this question is pretty obvious.
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