Humor by John Christmann
Star Trek: The Primer
Star Trek opened in theaters this weekend. It has been one of the most wildly anticipated TV show movie openings since The Simpsons came to the big screen. Or maybe The Dukes of Hazard. Or possibly Bewitched.
Anyway, as TV shows turned into movies go, the excitement is astronomical.
This new blockbuster release is the latest in a science fiction franchise that has launched into orbit five different television series and ten feature films spanning four decades. So as not to confuse this newest movie with the other fifteen Star Trek productions, the producers cleverly titled it Star Trek.
The Star Trek movie is actually a prequel, which in Hollywood parlance means they ran out of new ideas. It tells the story of how the characters from the very first Star Trek series came together on the Starship Enterprise.
This plot line works well because there are not that many people old enough to remember the original Star Trek series that aired in the 1960s. And those that do remember don’t want to admit it.
So as a service to movie goers who are interested in seeing the movie, I would like to give a short primer on the original television series.
Star Trek was a highly innovative science fiction show about a collection of utopian space travelers in the 23rd century. The crew flew willy-nilly about space—the final frontier—spreading peace, love, and optimism in a Starship called the Enterprise. Did I mention the show was introduced in the 1960s?
The five year mission of the Enterprise, which was scrubbed after three seasons due to poor ratings, was simple: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before. This included such dangerous places as the girls’ locker room on a planet of Amazon women.
To make the show interesting, the Enterprise traveled at warp speeds so that the crew could get across the universe in the space of a thirty second commercial.
At the helm of the Enterprise was the passionate Captain, James T. Kirk. Captain Kirk spoke in clipped, stilted sentences which were sometimes confused with acting. He had nice hair and made tough decisions that challenged our notions of intelligence and altruism. Captain Kirk later went on to great critical acclaim running a morally bankrupt law firm in Boston.
Captain Kirk’s first officer was the dispassionate Mr. Spock. Spock’s pointy ears, tight trousers, and neatly pressed black hair inspired most of the 1980s. His father was a Vulcan, an advanced race of logisticians who spread Sudoku throughout the universe. Spock’s mother was human; so technically speaking, Spock should really be classified as a Republican.
Spock’s antithesis on The Enterprise was the ship’s hormonal physician, Dr. James McCoy, affectionately referred to as “Bones.” Bones was a self righteous humanist who healed people by passing a Nintendo Game Boy over their injured bodies. If that didn’t work, he pronounced them dead. Like Spock, Bones was a half-breed. His father was human. His mother was Nancy Pelosi.
Perhaps the most intriguing Star Trek character was the ship’s engineer, Montgomery Scott, or “Scotty”. Although most people assume he received his nickname based on his last name, in fact he was awarded the moniker because he spoke in a bad Scottish accent, ate Haggis, and looked like a terrier. Engineer Scott was an eternal pessimist who tragically went through life believing in the physical laws of nature.
The ship had other important characters too, all designed to challenge stereotypes. For example there was Uhura; the attractive African American communications officer who wore a Bluetooth headset as bling; Hikaru Sulu as the vertically challenged navigator who managed to sit at the helm without the aid of a telephone book; and Ensign Pavel Chekov, a Russian who was both timid and cute.
From the show’s inception, the diverse collection of Star Trek characters were introduced specifically to portray a politically correct society that embraced ethnic harmony, racial equality, and women with short skirts. Did I mention the show was introduced in the 1960s?
Although the show was cancelled after three seasons, it later became wildly popular on reruns among science fiction fanatics and engineering students deprived of sun who liked to dress up in costumes and go to conventions. These “Trekie” geeks later went on to become billionaires, inventing silly toys like the computer and the Internet.
But the legacy of the original series should not be underestimated. Its forward looking ideas inspired advances which we appreciate forty years later. After all, it was Star Trek that introduced the world to Communicators (cell phones); Phasers “set to stun”; (Tasers "set to maim"); Tricorders (eight- track tape, Betamax, and other obsolete recording devices); Transporters (elevators); and time bending Worm Holes (Star Trek reruns).
The intense cult popularity of the original Star Trek series eventually spawned others including Star Trek: Next Generation, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Hold the Mayo, and Star Trek: The Musical. But none captured the innovative spirit quite like the original.
And now, forty years later, we can once again lose ourselves in the clear-sighted utopia of the 23rd century, where humans are driven not by money, but by an unquenchable thirst for knowledge.
Which is good because in 2009 a ticket to see Star Trek costs about ten bucks.
So with that, please set your Phasers to vibrate, sit back, and enjoy the show.
© 2009 Dadinthebox.com