Humor by John Christmann
Healthcare: Where The Truth Lies
Last week as President Obama was explaining his healthcare proposal to a joint session of Congress, Joe Wilson pointed an angry finger and shouted “you lie”. Actually, what he really said was “liar liar pants on fire” but this was cut off by the jeers of those colleagues who were not otherwise engaged twittering on their BlackBerrys.
President Obama immediately replied “not true”, essentially calling Joe Wilson a liar for calling him a liar, and then he went on to dispel some of the lies that have been cast over healthcare reform.
A few days later angry Americans, sick of all the lies in the midst of the worst economic downturn since the Great Depression, donated millions of dollars to the campaign funds of both Mr. Wilson and his democratic opponent thereby ensuring a well-funded, bitter campaign in next year’s congressional elections.
Actually this is a lie. I have no idea if these contributions were from Americans or not.
As someone who instructs his children to always tell the truth, I am disturbed that the discourse oh healthcare reform has been clouded with outright, bald-faced lies.
Ok, that’s not really true either. But I am disturbed that the discourse on healthcare reform has been clouded with emotional assertions guided by questionable facts. There is a difference. A lie is an assertion that runs contrary to facts. An emotional assertion guided by questionable facts is called advertising.
As a rational human being who understands less about healthcare now that I have been educated by the media, I would like to dispel ten common myths perpetuated in the national healthcare debate as I don’t understand them.
1. A panel of bureaucrats will decide the fate of senior citizens.
The idea that a special “death panel” will be established to determine whether senior citizens are eligible to undergo certain procedures is just absurd. However, with the addition of Ellen DeGeneres to American Idol, seniors will now be given the opportunity to sing and dance before they are booted off the island.
2. Town Hall Meetings will replace UFC Mixed Martial Arts on pay-per-view television.
False. There is an audience for both sports provided the Commission for Town Hall Meetings can retool its image and somehow control the excessive violence.
3. Healthcare reform is complex, but can be achieved without raising taxes.
It’s not so much that healthcare reform is complex; it is just that it is explained by experts who use double negatives to make it appear to be not un-complex. For example, the costs associated with healthcare are less costs than they are a reduced cost increases which over time appear as though they are really savings passed on to tax payers as reduced tax increases.
Am I not wrong?
4. Insurance companies will provide affordable health coverage if they are allowed to compete in an unregulated market.
Didn’t we just do this? Maybe they can sell us subprime mortgages and Healthcare Default Swaps too.
5. We will have to give up our current plans.
Not true. Healthcare reform does not threaten our existing plans. We can continue to wade through confusing medical bills and fight our insurance companies for payment just as we have always done. Plans will even be available to pay for our own personal physician should we have trouble sleeping at night.
6. Real efficiencies can be wrung out of the health care system by computerizing medical records.
“We will start removing that tumor from your brain just as soon as the server comes back up and we can locate your records. Not to worry, the surgeon is calling India right now.”
I don’t think so.
7. Elvis is alive and will be the new healthcare czar, Marcus Welby MD.
This might in fact be true, but I can’t prove it.
8. With Healthcare reform we will have to wait a long time to see a doctor.
False. However, Saturday appointments with your dentist will still be hard to get, and just try finding a plumber on a weekend.
9. Illegal immigrants will get free health insurance.
Let’s say for the sake of argument that you don’t have insurance and you are listening to a discussion on healthcare reform between Nancy Pelosi and Newt Gingrich and you throw a shoe at the television and it bounces back and becomes lodged in your mouth so that you can’t breathe. I am pretty sure that this is a pre-existing condition and you will be denied coverage no matter what country you are from. I don’t even think a French ambulance will pick you up.
10. Lies and misconception are the single biggest threat to healthcare reform.
This is patently false. Politicians are the single biggest threat to healthcare reform.
I hope I have cleared this all up for you. Stay healthy and have a nice day.
© 2009 Dadinthebox.com