Humor by John Christmann
We Are The Champions
I finally figured out why Super Bowl commercials are so important: as we enter into Super Bowl XLV, which is a text abbreviation for 45, most of us face the troubling task of rooting for teams we could care less about. Unless you live in Pittsburgh or Green Bay (population 101,000), there is little enthusiasm for the game itself.
So to make you feel a little less ambivalent this year, let me give you a little historical background on the teams playing in the Super Bowl on Sunday.
The Green Bay Packers are the second oldest franchise in the National Football Conference, surpassed only by the Cardinals who started in Chicago, but now play in semi-retirement in Arizona. Originally named the Acme Packers, the team changed their name to the Green Bay Packers after being sued by Warner Brothers for dropping a wooden crate on team founder, Wiley Coyote.
After the incident, a restraining order was issued forbidding the team to move to a more sizeable market like Milwaukee, which might have lawyers and stadiums named after beer companies.
More geographically well known are the Steelers from Pittsburgh, PA. The Steelers are the oldest team in the American Football Conference, and they boasted a winning record right up until the time competition was introduced in 1933.
Originally known as the Pirates so they could win baseball games in the summer, the footballers changed their name to the Steelers prior to the WWII industrial years. But after the steel industry collapsed in the late 70’s, there was a movement to rename the team The Pittsburgh Tin Foilers. This was met with great opposition by a legion of loyal Pittsburgh fans who stormed Three Rivers Stadium waving dirty dish rags.
As a compromise, the great arena was torn down, rebuilt, and named Heinz Stadium in honor of ketchup.
Both teams are known for their wildly loyal fan base. Steeler fans are collectively referred to as the “steel nation” and are known to wave “terrible towels” in the stands in an imposing sign of solidarity. The Packer fans are equally feared, unnerving their opponents by wearing wedges of cheese on their heads.
The Green Bay Packers have a long, proud history as a winning football team. Their record shines most proudly under the years when Vince Lombardi was coach. The imposing, tie-wearing leader gave the world cold but inspiring phrases of success such as Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing and If you can accept losing, you can't win and in later years, after he changed his name to Freddy Mercury and joined the rock band Queen, the stadium anthem, We Are The Champions.
Modern day coaches have adopted Lombardi’s heroic legacy by wearing sweatshirts, listening to headphones, and mouthing profanities on the sidelines.
But most Packer football fans remember the years of star quarterback, Brett Favre. After seventeen seasons with the Packers over which he won eight division championships and a Super Bowl ring all while putting together the longest consecutive starting streak of any player in history, Favre left football for good after the 2007 season.
The shy and retiring quarterback aptly proved he was neither when he joined the NY Jets the following year.
The Steelers also have an impressive record of success. Many fans remember the dynasty created in the 1970’s by competitive players such as Terry Bradshaw and Franco Harris, as well as the fearsome “Steel Curtain” made up of powerful defensive backs the likes of “Mean” Joe Green and Peewee Herman. After winning four Super Bowls in six years, one-by-one these giants of the game retired.
Today, the ebullient Terry Bradshaw is a highly visible sports commentator, and an inspiration to all kids to stay in school.
But the real Super Bowl attraction always occurs during half time. And this year is no exception as the Black Eyed Peas, clad in high boots and fur, take to the field to shovel the snow that pummeled most of the country this week. Unfortunately, new league rules intended to enforce safety will prevent the group from leveling their hip-hop hit, Boom Boom Pow and dancing in the end zone.
This then, is why commercials are so important in the Super Bowl.
And so, as we huddle around our television sets safe and warm on Sunday, eating great food and celebrating an evening of commercial entertainment with good friends, perfectly content that we are not waving dishtowels or wearing cheese on our heads, let us remember the immortal words of Vince Lombardi lip-synched at halftime during Super Bowl One-Too-Many:
We are the champions, my friends,
And we'll keep on fighting till the end
We are the champions
We are the champions
No time for losers
'Cause we are the champions . . . of the world.
© 2011 Dadinthebox.com